 | | | | |  | | | Mon, Apr 17, 2006. Happy or not? |  | irritated |
| Last night I has the weirdest dream ever. It might not be the first time, but this is the first time I remembered it. I woke up and kept thinking about it, and keep thinking about it now as well.
I do not remember how it got to it, only at some point I realized that I was thrown 2 years back in time (actually, along with Boria and Abrogamov, for some reason, but its not the point). I remembered everything that happened to me for those 2 years, only I was 21 years old and I would have to relive these 2 years, possibly fixing stuff that I did not do right the first time around.
So I was there, thinking the following strange thought:
- On one hand, I was not excited at all to live these 2 years over. These two years were not "the happiest years of my life that I want to relive over and over," I was not overly happy or unhappy, not much happened during them. I did not want to go through them again.
- On the other hand, I was really scared that reliving these 2 years, I would do bunch of mistakes and do worse that the first time around, that I would somehow not meet Anka, or not get the job at Koolconnect, or not get the job in Zingy, or not get the job that I have now, or do 10000 other things wrong.
That I was thinking in my dream, and then I woke up and kept thinking about it.
So does this whole thing mean that I am happy now? Because I do not know what I could do better? But then why would I not want to relive these 2 years? Or maybe I just do not know any better, so I am affraid that I would not have even what I have, because I got it all by chance?..
I don't know. But it was surely a strange dream. I like my job. I like my girlfriend. I like my apartment. I do not like my everyday life. Or myself.
That's probably it? |
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